I always knew it was going to happen. I tried to be as prepared as possible – water filtration, flashlights with extra batteries, solar panels, weapons, gas masks, food… you name it, it was all at home ready for the zombie apocalypse. But of course that’s not where I was when the undead hordes started upsetting the natural order of society. Things fell apart quickly, and I was in a rental car in rural Indiana on my way to the airport when the FAA grounded all flights.
Luckily, I was with my boss, and self-proclaimed Windshield Wiper expert, who happened to have a bag full of sample blades for our next meeting. We pulled over next to a wind farm and started inventorying our supplies. We had packed light to avoid baggage fees, so as it turned out the only thing of useful practicality was five 22” black carbon clix wipers, with a patented quick installation system designed to fit all makes and models. But that’s neither here nor there.
That’s when my boss dropped the bombshell – that he had utilized an AI to come up with the Top 10 ways to use a windshield wiper in the apocalypse. What luck! We decided to enshrine these 10 all-important tips onto some stones, and stood them up next to that windmill in rural Indiana for future nomads to benefit from. For now, while all of the above is fictional (for now), we will make the Top 10 list available digitally for our customers and fans around the world. Make sure you print them out and keep them in your wallet in case you too find yourself in a rental car in the middle of nowhere with all of your pre-planned supplies thousands of miles away.
We’ll help get you back there. Good luck, and happy Zombie Hunting!
- Collecting rainwater: Windshield wipers can be used to collect and channel rainwater into containers for drinking or washing.
- Removing debris: In the aftermath of an apocalypse, there may be a lot of debris on the ground that needs to be cleared away. Windshield wipers can be used to move debris out of the way.
- Cleaning surfaces: Windshield wipers can be used to clean surfaces such as windows or mirrors, which may be covered in dust, dirt, or grime.
- Creating friction fire: If you need to start a fire but don't have matches or a lighter, you can use the rubber blade of a windshield wiper as a friction tool to create a spark.
- Making a weapon: If you're in a pinch, you can detach the metal arm of the windshield wiper and use it as a blunt object for self-defense.
- Signaling for help: If you're stranded and need rescue, you can use the windshield wipers to signal for help by moving them back and forth in a pattern.
- Building shelter: Windshield wipers can be used to create a shelter by tying them together and using them to support a tarp or other material.
- Gathering food: In a survival situation, food may be scarce. Windshield wipers can be used to shake trees or bushes to dislodge nuts, fruit, or other edible items.
- Trapping small animals: Windshield wipers can be used to create a simple trap for small animals, such as rodents or birds, by tying a string to the blade and using it to close a box or other container.
- Fashioning tools: The metal arm of a windshield wiper can be fashioned into a variety of useful tools, such as a hook for grabbing or pulling items, a digging tool for making holes in the ground, or a cutting tool for slicing through materials.